debbi's blogumentary

Sunday, September 21

I've always believed that what goes around comes around. That we would eventually be punished for our wrong-doings one way or another. We don’t always get what we want, things will not always be plain sailing, it takes two hands to clap. Nothing is ever perfect. In the search of satisfaction we often go out of the norm, transform into this other self, this evil other self in the hope to get things achieved. But little did we realize that some things are not meant to be foisted upon. I hate to hate people. But sometimes certain emotions are beyond our control.

Sunday, July 6

for everything counts.

No, the coconuts did not prompt me to post this.

Google analytics says I get an average of about 3 visitors a day. Hey, that's not so bad ok considering the fact that my blog has been collecting dust for the past 6 months. There were a few times I almost got myself to blog about something but it always end up the same; I'd open microsoft word, type a sentence or two, then thought 'ah, screw it.'. Thing is, I haven't updated for so long I don't even know where to start now.

I guess I should start with the present? EoS 5 is finally over! The past one month was crazy. My nerves had been in perpetual overdrive and I often find myself stuck in a crossfire of torture, tantrum and tears. The stress... There's always this constant voice in my head that keeps telling me to take a break and maybe just go for that movie Jon kept asking me to. But thank goodness each time conscience got the better of me and reminded me that I must finish the stack of notes which was supposed to be completed days ago. I'm happy now that I didn't go, otherwise I would have came home realising I'm lagging behind even more and would sink deeper into depression.

I'm having my 6 months break now. How cool is that? After of which I will be heading to Perth. Most of you would have already known that I got accepted into Western Australia, which isn't too bad come to think of it now. I wasn't so happy when it came to me at first, considering the fact that I missed my first choice and that all my friends would now be right at the opposite end of the continent. But all is good now. Thanks Pek Yiong and Loy Yang for being here (there? here? there? haha) to catch me whenever I fall. And Min too, for your leg.

Just like Min, I started to see expiry dates on everyone. Especially when my mum kept saying things like 'there's no one to help me fetch the boys anymore after you leave next year', or when Michelle asks 'what's going to happen to our mamak gang'. The thought of losing friends came. I've been telling myself to have some faith. I mean, when I first entered Taylor's I had this perception that those people are going to be my friends for just a year. But things turn out to be otherwise. I still keep in touch with both Pek Yiong and Jess until today. We would still bug each other throughout the year just to find out what the other wants for her birthday, and would frequently bitch just about anything, from nenens to didis to puttputts (ok now I know why Mei Ann calls me hamsap. SHUT UP! T_T). Things have always turned out fine eventually. But does 'fine' include the friends I have forgotten for the past 15 years? Shit.

I do have faith, but what kind?

Saturday, January 19

Things of late

I know I haven't updated for a long time - it's been like 4? 5 months? Can't even recall the last time I visited my own blog. Haha.

Happy new year! It's a little too late, but whatever. I think I shall blog about resolutions.

Before that, here's a mini update.

1. I've got a new toy! No it's not my ndsl :)

After agonizing about making the right choice for quite a while, I've finally made the huge decision to take up gu zheng lessons. HUGE decision because I didn't know gu zhengs cost that much. I kinda expected their prices to be about the same as guitars.

2. There's a new addition to the family.

Meet Snitch? We didn't really give time to think of a proper name. At least it's better than Sootty, or Betty, or Fugly.

3. Baked my first cake.

It was for my mum's birthday. All because i ter-announced to her a few months back that I was going to do so. Of which she went 'ah good good... make sure you do blablabla', you know how mothers can go on and on. I was cowed into obedience. Ahem, the cake was pretty good though. Almost half of it was gone within half an hour *snickers*

Wait wait. Must add emoticon.

4. ?

Now as for resolutions...

These were my 2007 resolutions. I've posted this some time last year.

1. Stop procrastinating. This is like an irreversible curse which seem to be stuck with me forever.
And it's still stuck with me. Can't help it you see. Am very much controlled by kemalasan (sounds like kemaluan).

2. No more lies. No more white lies, gray lies, fibs… Prevarications are fine *winks*.
An old friend once looked at me in the eyes and asked 'Debbi, come tell us the truth, have you lied to us before?'. Dumbstricken, I frowned thoughtfully and remained silent for a while, then answered, 'no'. It was then I realised that I never (if do, rarely) lie to my friends, but lied to my parents many times I could not count.

3. Exercise… a bit.
I don't think I exercised even once in that whole year.

4. Stop being so sensitive. I’ve always wanted things to go my way. I want this, must have it. Want that, must get it. It’s like I want whatever I want when I want it.
I still want things to go my way, damn it! But why do they not seem to be so??

5. Stop brooding over unnecessary things. I brood too much, hence the day dreams. I think I’ve allotted like half of my life just to day dream.
Still do.

6. Remember Debbi, don’t procrastinate. Don’t procrastinate...
yar yar...

7. Stop being a paranoid. Stop acting like a nosey parker. Stop calling my brothers idiots. Stop cursing drivers on the road. Stop being a glutton. Stop spending unnecessarily. Stop wasting so much time on the computer. Stop blogging.
Whatever.

Resolutions achieved = 0. It's bollocks I tell you. What's the point of making any when none could be accomplished? Besides, dreams are the opposite of reality. The more you talk about something you want, the more it drifts away from you. It's a jinx.

Yup, not gonna make any resolutions for 2008 ;-)

Monday, August 6

i am going to post :)

I've posted this in my private blog much earlier. But anyway. Here's something for those of you who kept bugging me to update my blog. Haha.

I took a post as one of the secretariates in the hiv/tb conference, one to be responsible of the registration counter yesterday. Probably uncalled-for, but i first reckoned that it wouldn't be such a bad idea as it was going to be just a two-day sort of thing after all. Besides, i had no other plans in consideration. And on top of it all, they were paying a hundred bucks for each day! Plenty of plus points there, so we're set to go. I agreed to join, and work was to start on the 2nd of august.

Though i never once thought that this working experience was going to be entirely plain sailing, i somehow managed to deter the thoughts of having the possibilities of even the worst happening. That was until a few days prior to thursday that i started having nervous flutters, and thought that i might have taken a wrong leap in accepting the job. I wasn't all that gung ho about getting that extra pocket money anymore.

It went on nonetheless. We (that'd be con and i) had a briefing a day before the conference, everything didn't sound too bad, albeit a little complex and complicated, but yes, i convinced myself that things couldn't get any worse.

Even so, the kickoff on day one wasn't pleasing at all - we were bawled out for being late. I suppose i did not foresee that myself, but we did underestimate the traffic. 'No sorry-s' and whatnots, no explanations and excuses accepted, we proceeded to begin our respective duties. It was a bad day to begin with.

Oh well.

On the whole i guess the experience wasn't too bad. Tiny glitches were certain to pop up from time to time. Mix-ups, misconceptions, and blunders, both unavoidable and avoidable, arised both at the right times and wrong times. Right times being the moments the supervior wasn't having her eye on you - she has a tendency of being a nitpick. And as i tend to doubt myself oftentimes, i kind of placed myself in this vulnerable position where i was bound to be picked on. However, things started to assimilate slowly. I have gotten much familiar with the routine in a matter of hours. But, mistakes and chidings do come, still.

There is one major fact which i have come to realise after that two days of having to constantly deal with hordes of people. You have to be nasty at times. Lie because you were told. Ignore because you had to.

I couldn't help but to feel a little guilty. Who likes to be labelled as being mean?

Christina requested that both con and i come on saturday too because they needed the help. We said no :) Not that i mind doing it, but i guess i'm just lazy. Now i'm free again!